"I had often fantasized about running into my ex and his wife. But in those fantasies, I was running over them with a truck."

One of my closest friends from high school, K (that's right, we go way back), were gmail chatting online today during a lull at work. We have drawn to the conclusion that somehow, somewhere, exes everywhere are like Big Brother. Lurking on you until you have your life somewhat stabilized, happy, fulfilled, and poof. There they are, blowing up in your face, telling you they still love you, wanting you back, etc. Common sense says that jealousy (and sometimes a picture posted on the internet or a relationship status change) is the reasonable and logical explanation for this. After all, if they broke up with us, why would they come crawling back? They made it clear that they don't love anymore. They need to be alone. They need space. They need, they need, they need -- without any regard for what we need. Afterall, if they really ever cared in the first place, or had some dramatic revelation where a lightbulb went off and they decided they care once and for all, I don't think the trigger would be seeing our beautiful faces next to another dude. I could be wrong though. It hasn't been the first time. I guess the question is of sincerity or jealousy. And does jealousy ever bring sincerity out of a person?

Anyway, what we need. We, most likely, need space. Time. And that means space and time apart from you, jealous man. I would be inclined to say that friends with exes never really work - at least for me, that is. Especially with the ones that you would most like to stay friends with. Those are always the ones that you know, deep down, you, once upon a time long long ago, cared about the most. Maybe even loved the most. Loved in a way that you can only really love when you've never really been hurt before. I would have to argue that it's love in a way that no one every really loves again. That crazy, unrestricted, ohmygod i love you i love you i love you and you'll never hurt me because i've never been hurt kind of way. It's like Carrie and Big a la Sex and the City. Only, life isn't a movie or a really great tv show, and Big doesn't just call your best friend and show up in Paris and save you from an annoying (and boring, and old) Russian artist.

Does anyone really ever end up with their Big in real life? Maybe there just aren't any real Prince Charmings and you just settle for the hand you've been given. You find new people, and you love them - but never like that Prince Charming slips the shoe onto Cinderella kind of way. Maybe that's why Carrie ended up with Big. It gives hope -- but when you realize it's just not real, the false hope is just disappointing. And it's disappointing to know that it'll always sting a little bit. Or a lot a bit. Just look at this week's NYTimes Modern Love column. Holding on isn't always the best thing, and sometimes no response is just the perfect response.

-M